Are Birthday Celebrations Helping or Hurting Our Muslim Kids?
What Every Muslim Parent Should Consider.
A few weeks ago, my little girl stepped into the land of double digits, and as any loving parent would, I did little things throughout the day to make her smile.
I also decided to ask my community over on Instagram about whether you celebrate your kids' birthdays in any way, and the responses poured in! I shared my own experience of being a 'recovering birthday-celebrator.'
Growing up, birthdays were not celebrated in my family, even though I secretly wanted to as a child. It wasn’t fair that my best friend Crystal had her family invested in making her day special whereas, I was not acknowledged at all! Eventually, I grew out of this FOMO and didn’t really do anything on my birthday outside of a friends dinner.
However, once I became a parent, I was tempted to make their childhood special. Perhaps I was compensating for those early feelings of FOMO. I went all out for my little ones. May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings. Ameen.
It turns out many of you resonated with this internal conflict. It seems I hit a nerve, because most of you agreed.
You’ve felt the same contradiction between wanting to do something special but knowing it may not align with our faith.
What really stood out to me was how varied everyone's approach to birthdays is.
Some said they don’t celebrate, yet still mark the day with a cake or a small gift.
Others admitted they go all out, feeling that birthdays aren't an issue.
A few recognized that birthdays are not part of Islamic tradition and are working toward stopping the practice altogether.
Some limit the celebration to a simple "happy birthday" without any extra fuss.
And a small number said they don’t acknowledge birthdays at all.
Surprisingly, these choices didn’t necessarily depend on how someone was raised but were deeply personal decisions. Although some parents mentioned that they avoid celebrating, but they feel pressured by extended family or in-laws, which complicates things.
As promised, I’m sharing a few thoughts here to help equip you with the information you need to make an informed decision about celebrating birthdays. Whether you choose to continue, scale back, or stop entirely is up to you, but it’s important to understand the reasoning behind our choices.
So, let's talk about birthdays. To better understand why this practice might feel conflicting, it’s important to explore its origins.
Birthdays of the Gods and Royalty
One of the earliest recorded instances of birthday celebrations comes from Ancient Egypt. The Egyptians did not mark the birthdates of ordinary individuals, but the birthdays of gods and royalty were significant events. Pharaohs, considered to be gods in human form, were honored on their coronation day as a form of "rebirth." Elsa & Anna’s coronation day in the movie Frozen comes from this ideology as well. The concept of a birthday celebration during these times was tied to divinity and power, as ordinary people did not engage in such practices.
This idea of a "divine birth" shows how birthdays, in their early forms, were not about individual life but about the passage of status or spiritual significance. These royal birthday celebrations set the precedent for future rulers in other ancient civilizations later on.
The Birth of Birthdays & Candles
The Greeks further evolved the concept by celebrating the birthdays of gods, particularly Artemis, the goddess of the moon. Ancient Greeks would offer cakes adorned with candles to Artemis, symbolizing the moon’s glow. This practice is likely one of the precursors to the modern birthday cake with candles. Lighting candles was meant to ward off evil spirits. Over time, the celebration extended to honoring significant individuals, especially within elite circles. However, much like in Egypt, birthday celebrations were still reserved for deities and royalty.
A Step Towards Patriarchy
The Romans were the first civilization to celebrate birthdays for ordinary citizens, though only for men at first. Women’s birthdays were not widely recognized until later. Roman citizens celebrated their own birth anniversaries with feasts, gift exchanges, and parties. This democratization of birthday celebrations among common people, as opposed to just deities or rulers, marked a significant cultural shift and laid the groundwork for modern birthday customs. The Roman Empire’s wide influence across Europe helped spread the birthday tradition to different parts of the world.
Religious Influences on Birthdays
The Christians Knew Better
In the early Christian era, birthday celebrations were largely frowned upon. Early Christians associated birthdays with pagan traditions, believing that these celebrations glorified the self, which was in opposition to the Christian doctrine of humility and the focus on spiritual rebirth through baptism. This view was compounded by the fact that many birthday celebrations in the ancient world involved superstitions and rituals that were considered incompatible with Christian beliefs.
However, over time, this perspective shifted. The celebration of Christmas, marking the birth of Jesus Christ, became one of the most significant Christian holidays. This religious observance of Christ’s birth indirectly contributed to a wider acceptance of birthday celebrations within Christian communities. By the Middle Ages, some Christians began celebrating their own birthdays, but it was still not common practice among the broader population.
Astrology, Manifestation & Human Design
In ancient times, birthdays were often linked to astrology and superstition. Astrologers believed that the position of the stars and planets at the time of one's birth could influence their fate. This belief system further popularized the importance of one's birth date, adding a layer of mysticism and spiritual significance to birthday observances. The notion that one's birthday carried inherent power also fostered traditions of protection, such as lighting candles to protect oneself from evil, a practice that influenced the birthday candle tradition still seen today.
Astrology has long been associated with birthdays, as the positioning of celestial bodies at the time of a person’s birth is believed to influence their personality, behavior, and life path. This idea of astrological influence on birthdates ties into modern Human Design principles, a system that blends astrology and quantum physics to offer insights into an individual’s nature and decision-making processes. Human Design suggests that the exact time, date, and location of a person’s birth reveal key aspects of their life’s blueprint, such as strengths, challenges, and potential life purpose. It treats a person’s birthdate as an essential factor in understanding their unique energetic configuration, which can guide them toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. This connection between astrology, birthdays, and Human Design emphasizes the belief that a person’s birth is not just a random occurrence but a defining moment that impacts their existence and alters the frequency of the universe.
The Transition From Religion to Modern Day Culture
The Rise of Child-Centric Birthdays
The widespread adoption of birthday celebrations in the modern sense—complete with parties, gifts, and cakes—didn’t fully develop until the 18th and 19th centuries. The shift toward child-centric birthday celebrations started to happen in Western Europe. For example, the tradition of Kinderfeste emerged in Germany, where children were honored with parties and cakes adorned with candles. Parents believed that a child’s birthday was a vulnerable time for the child’s soul, and the candles were meant to offer protection. This tradition of celebrating children's birthdays with parties was eventually spread across Europe and America through German immigrants.
The Commercialization of Birthdays
The Industrial Revolution played a pivotal role in transforming birthdays into a mainstream cultural practice rooted in capitalism. Increased urbanization, higher wages, and the rise of the middle class led to more disposable income, allowing families to afford gifts and parties. At the same time, the commercialization of birthdays took off with the production of greeting cards, party decorations, and specialty cakes. This shift was also aided by advancements in printing and manufacturing, making birthday-related products more accessible and affordable because it served the economy well (and still does).
Eventually, as Western cultures became more individualized, birthdays became a way for people to mark their personal identity and significance within their communities. The act of receiving gifts and attention on one’s birthday became a symbolic acknowledgment of the individual’s importance.
Birthdays in the 20th Century
By the 20th century, birthdays had become a common celebration in many parts of the world. The spread of Western culture through globalization led to the adoption of birthday customs in regions where they had previously not been a tradition. The influence of Western practices, especially through mass media and global commerce, introduced birthday parties, cakes, and gifts into mainstream culture.. Television shows, movies, and the internet helped spread ideas about how birthdays should be celebrated, creating a more uniform, global understanding of birthday customs.
In the modern era, birthdays have become heavily influenced by popular culture. Famous folks on social media and celebrities, often celebrate their birthdays with elaborate parties that are broadcasted or shared further cementing the idea that birthdays are significant, celebratory occasions. The advent of social media has also amplified the social pressure to celebrate birthdays in grand, shareable ways, often involving extravagant parties, themed events, or curated experiences. Millennial parents, teens and children are falling into these trends and are often faced with the discomfort of cognitive dissonance around the culture of birthdays.
The Perspective of Islam on Birthdays
Truth is, Islam's perspective on birthday celebrations is clear however, the interpretations of the teachings vary widely. Although, traditional Islamic teachings do not explicitly mention birthday celebrations being. forbidden act, many Islamic scholars view them with skepticism or disapproval, as birthdays were seen as non-Islamic traditions linked to pagan rituals or Christian customs. In my humble opinion, this is the correct view based on our research above.
Some other Muslims believe that celebrating birthdays is an innovation (bid'ah) not sanctioned by the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), and therefore should be avoided.
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would praise Allah in his sermon, as He deserves to be praised, and then he would say, “Whomever Allah guides, no one can lead him astray. Whomever Allah sends astray, no one can guide him. The truest word is the Book of Allah, and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. The evilest matters in religion are those that are newly invented,for every newly invented matter is an innovation, every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Hellfire.” Source: Sunan al-Nasā’ī 1578
This perspective is rooted in the belief that a Muslim's focus should be on religious observances, such as Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha only since these are the ones permitted by Allah swt and His messenger, rather than personal milestones like birthdays.
However, the reality is that many Muslims today, particularly in more culturally diverse or Eastern and Western-influenced societies, birthdays are celebrated as a cultural rather than religious event. The celebration often emphasizes family gatherings, well-wishing, and modest festivities, without the religious or superstitious elements that might be seen in other traditions. As with many aspects of cultural practice, the acceptance of birthday celebrations in Islamic communities largely depends on local customs, personal beliefs, and the degree of adherence to traditional Islamic principles.
Now that we know a thing or two about the origins of birthdays, let’s filter our understanding through the lens of three key Islamic principles to guide us in making decisions where the answer isn’t clear-cut:
We do not imitate the practices of other religions – If we do, we risk becoming part of them in ways we may not intend.
Narrated by Abu Dawood and At-Tirmidhi, on the authority of Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
We avoid anything that falls into the doubtful or 'grey area' (mustabihat) – Staying away from what is unclear is a sign of Taqwa (God-consciousness).
The Prophet (SAW) said, “What is lawful is evident and what is unlawful is evident, and in between them are the things doubtful which many people do not know. So he who guards against doubtful things keeps his religion and honour blameless, and he who indulges in doubtful things indulges in fact in unlawful things,...” (Muslim, 1599)
When unsure, we follow the example of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) – His life provides a clear path for us to follow in such situations. We know that the Prophet (SAW) never celebrated personal birthdays except for the two Eids. This concept also applies to celebrating the birthday of the prophet (SAW). If he did not do it, why are we?
Tips for Muslim Parents
That concludes today’s newsletter. I hope this helps you make an informed decision, and I encourage you to continue your own research. The more you learn about birthdays, the less appealing they will become.
In our family, we gradually phased out birthday celebrations, and we made sure to take our children along on the journey with us. We continue to have open discussions about it so we can coach and guide them toward what aligns with their Islamic identity, all while acknowledging and validating their feelings. The great news is that we have two amazing Eids, and we now channel all that celebratory energy into those occasions.
If you’re thinking of stopping birthday celebrations, I suggest starting while your children are still under 3 years old and not fully aware. However, if your kids are older, involve them in the decision-making process and model what it looks like to give up something we like for the sake of Allah (SWT). It’s a powerful teachable moment.
Here’s a hot tip: ask your children what makes birthdays special to them and take note of their responses. Then, have a day where you give them those same experiences “just because” – for no reason other than the fact that they are fantastic and special servants of Allah. As you create these moments, their attachment to birthdays will gradually fade. Give it a try!
If you're seeking more hands-on support for your child's formal Islamic education between the ages of 5-12, be sure to join my upcoming workshop for kids, "Are Birthdays for You and Me?" You can also access my popular workshops on Halloween and Christmas this year, designed specifically for children. Check out The Good Child Academy. Enrollment closes this Sunday, so don’t miss out! You can find all the details here.
P.S. If you are a Forming Early Foundations member, please do not join and purchase The Good Child Academy. It’s part of your program already.
What’s brewing in the community?
1- I shared a free class on navigating unwanted/negative behaviours this month. It’s 7 minutes. Click here.
2- I released a free mini-course on all things homeschooling and how to get started. Over 300 of you loved it and now I am putting together an 8 week coaching program you don’t want to miss. I will make you an EFFECTIVE home educator that your kids love without letting homeschool take over your life. Join here.
3- I will be teaching a free workshop on ‘Shifting The Islamic Parenting Paradigm’ join here.
Until next time, Take care
Assalamu Alekum.