Benched this Hajj season? Here’s a playbook for the tired Muslim parent.
This isn’t your average “do more dhikr” post. Proceed.
Thul Hijjah is here.
When I told my kids, it’s time to sight the moon to see if Thul Hijjah began, you should’ve seen how UNDERWHELMED they were. They said, ‘Well, it’s not like it’s going to be Eid.”
I did the Muslim parent scene that begins with a ‘GASP/ how dare you / have I not been doing my job right this whole time / calm down Eman, they do make a point / Let’s get busy anyway. ‘
Most of us would admit that Thul Hijjah is the most overlooked yet most powerful days of the year.
And before you ask, no, it’s not just for the Hujjaj! I mean yes, going to Hajj is a big deal, but these days are also a big deal for those who got benched.
Allah swore by these 10 days in the Qur’an, just like He swore by Laylatul Qadr.رٍ
“By the ten nights.” — Surah Al-Fajr (89:2)
That alone should make you and I pause a little because when Allah swears by something, it signals great significance and utter importance! In other words, Allah is saying, PAY ATTENTION and lean in.
Now I know my community is filled with moms who are already overworked, overwhelmed, and are rarely looking for more things to do. I get it.
However, we are ELITES up in here. We are not your regular parents in this wild wild world. You and I know that these ten days aren’t just about passive worship, it’s an opportunity to elevate our self and expand our world as we nurture these little souls.
I don’t want us to approach these days as a to-do list, but rather I want us to view it as a means for lasting change in becoming our best self, inshallah.
Within these days, Allah placed a single day where He in all His majesty descends from His throne to listen to your sinful souls. He loves to hear us and he wants to give us what we want and only in a way that is befitting to His wisdom.
Now, let’s get practical! I want to share some things we can do during these 10 days based on the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ in order of significance.
The BEST ten things you can do in the blessed ten days
(reminding myself first, lord knows I am struggling)
1. Fast!
Not just Arafah, but all ten days (technically nine days) or at least some days and if you cannot, buckle up for the Day of ‘Arafah (this year: Friday, June 7/2025). It wipes away the sins of the year before and the year after.
صِيَامُ يَوْمِ عَرَفَةَ أَحْتَسِبُ عَلَى اللَّهِ أَنْ يُكَفِّرَ السَّنَةَ الَّتِي قَبْلَهُ وَالسَّنَةَ الَّتِي بَعْدَهُ
“Fasting on the Day of ‘Arafah, I hope from Allah that it will expiate (the sins of) the year before it and the year after it.” — [Sahih Muslim, 1162]
2. Say the Takbeerat daily.
From the 1st to the 14th of Dhul Hijjah, say:
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha illa Allah,
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar wa lillahil-hamd.
Take note that you want to repeat the Takbeerat twice and not thrice. These are the days of glorifying Allah.
3. Pray Salah on time and in congregation when possible.
Make it a family affair to pray together these next ten days. Explain to the kids how important it is to pray together because the math is just math-ing.
صَلَاةُ الْجَمَاعَةِ أَفْضَلُ مِنْ صَلَاةِ الْفَذِّ بِسَبْعٍ وَعِشْرِينَ دَرَجَةً
“Prayer in congregation is superior to prayer alone by twenty-seven degrees.”
— [Sahih al-Bukhari, 645 | Sahih Muslim, 650]
4. Read Qur’an.
If you’re able to read 3 Juzz (Chapter) per day, you’ll complete the Qur’an in 10 days.
And if not, then at least just read more than the usual. If you used to read one page normally, double it. And if you cannot do that either, listen, one verse with presence is better than ten without it.
5. Make dhikr like it’s your fill time job.
This is prime thikr season. Let’s narrow it down to make it easy. Yes, there are PLENTY to choose from but let’s pick the VIP ones starting with Al-baqiyat Asalahihat (The ever lasting good deeds), then Istighfar, then build some palm trees in Jannah, then end with Salawat so the angels can tell our beloved Prophet we are thinking of him.
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ، وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ، وَلَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ، وَاللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ، هُنَّ الْبَاقِيَاتُ الصَّالِحَاتُ
“Subḥān-Allāh, al-ḥamdu lillāh, lā ilāha illa Allāh, and Allāhu akbar — these are Al-Bāqiyāt al-Ṣāliḥāt (the everlasting good deeds).”
— [Sunan an-Nasa’i, 10093 | Graded Sahih by Al-Albani]
SubhanAllah
Alhamdulillah
La ilaha illa Allah
Allahu Akbar
Astaghfirullah wa atubu ilayh
La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah
Allahumma salli wa sallim ‘ala Nabiyyina Muhammad ﷺ
أَلَا أَدُلُّكَ عَلَى كَنْزٍ مِنْ كُنُوزِ الْجَنَّةِ؟ قُلْتُ: بَلَى يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: قُلْ لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ
“Shall I not tell you of a treasure from the treasures of Paradise?” I said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Say: La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.”
— [Sahih al-Bukhari, 6384 | Sahih Muslim, 2704]
6. Protect your limbs.
Cut down on talking, doom scrolling, group chats that lean toward gossip, distractions that suck the light out of your day. Observe silence like a monk and only speak to share good things. Yes, this is hard but double. Consider it a fast for your tongue.
مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.”
— [Sahih al-Bukhari, 6136 | Sahih Muslim, 47]
7. Do your parents GOOD.
Even if they’re no longer with us. Make dua’a for them. Give charity on their behalf. Call them and say something that lights them up. This isn’t the time for you to hold them accountable about a stored childhood trauma some reel told you to unearth. Be kind to them and do right by them no matter what.
8. Show up with beautiful character to the Mr. & the Minions.
The best worship is how you treat the people in your home and not the strangers down the street. Smile often and say some nice stuff. Be patient especially when it’s hard and intend it for His sake. Being intentional is the name of the game here.
9. If you are making the Vegans mad this year, remember this.
If you are sacrificing this year and offering Udhiyah/Qurbani, don’t trim your hair, nails, or body hair from the 1st until after the sacrifice is made on Eid. And yes, of course you can take a shower, just don’t cut the hair and nails. I had to say this because my son got it all twisted. This is a Sunnah not everyone remembers, let this be your reminder.
10. Reflect on the greatest pain prophet Ibrahim and Adam had to face.
The story of prophet Ibrahim (as) is the BEST one to reflect upon in the next days as a family and the story of Adam and his redemption. Create quiet time throughout the day even if it’s 5-10 mins with all the kids and share the story briefly. Think about what those days must’ve made them feel. How hard was the test? How conflicted did they feel between their human experience and what Allah asked of them? How did they feel when Allah gave them a way out? You can also use this time to start following an educational series with Almaghrib, or Yaqeen or others.
For the parent who already checked out by reading this post, this is for you.
If this list made your chest tighten and your brain start to spiral, pause. I want you to pick one thing. Just one. And do it for all 10 days, with sincere intention. I will do the same inshallah.
“The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are small and consistent.”
[Sahih Bukhari]
Lastly — a personal request.
Maybe two.
Please refrain from making the story of Ibrahim (as) sound morbidly scary to children under 7. When telling the story, please share it in age appropriate way. Instead of using words like, ‘kill or slaughter his son’ you can say, ‘Allah told prophet Ibrahim (as) that he was going to call his son Ismail back to Him. Or something along those lines.
Second request, please make dua’a for me and my family. That Allah ﷻ grants us the opportunity to make Hajj in the near future. It’s a dream I’ve whispered in my dua’a for years.
And maybe… maybe your prayer is the one that unlocks it.
May Allah accept from you, from your children, from your parents, from your quiet efforts, and from the parts of you that no one sees but Him. Ameen 🤍
Eid Mubarak from my family to you!
What’s brewing in the Elite community?
1- The 10 days of Thul Hijjah Kit will be arriving inside your email inboxes soon. Keep an eye out and make sure you are subscribed here.
2- The No-Yelling Day is coming up soon. Join to lock it in before the public. Learn more.
3- The Muslim Parent Companion has been welcoming new members this week! The Lite Tier will end on May 31st! Check it out!
Until next time, Take care
Assalamu Alekum.