Googling parenting techniques. Saving posts. Buying courses. Wondering if you're doing enough or doing it all wrong.
Because let’s be real: these days, being a “good parent” often sounds like becoming a part-time psychologist, part-time coach, and full-time homemaker.
You’re told to collect tools, study strategies, and always be one step ahead of your child’s next meltdown.
But today, I want to say something that might go against what the parenting world tells you.
You don’t need a bigger toolbox. You need to trust yourself more.
The more tools you collect, the more you begin to question your own instincts.
Am I doing the right thing?
Is this the right method for this moment?
Should I be gentler? Firmer? More structured? More free?
The pressure to get it all “just right” can suck the joy out of being with your child.
In fact, research shows that excessive parenting pressure increases stress and anxiety in parents which ironically makes parenting harder, not easier. Constantly trying to “perform” as the perfect parent doesn’t leave room for presence, connection, or trust in yourself.
Here's the truth: children don’t need you to know more.
They need you to be more.
More emotionally regulated.
More present.
More aligned with your values.
If you don’t embody the tools you’ve learned especially when it comes to self-regulation, your child will notice. And no “strategy” can override the power of how you show up.
Because children learn best through watching you, and that means modeling, not lecturing. And they can sniff out inauthenticity faster than we’d like to admit.
You can’t prevent every trauma…and that’s okay
Recently, my three-year-old wandered off during a BBQ, and for a while, I couldn’t find her.
It was terrifying.
Alhamdulillah, Allah came through for me as He always does and a friend found her sitting calmly at the park office, waiting to be picked up.
Afterward, the self-blame started to creep in.
"What if I traumatized her?"
"If only I had paid more attention..."
It would’ve been easy to spiral. But instead, I paused and reminded myself of something powerful:
“I can never stop life from happening to my kids. What is written for them is theirs alone. The only thing in my control is my du‘ā for protection, for guidance, for Allah’s mercy to surround them when I can’t.” He is Al-Khabeer, and Al-Raqeeb.
It’s not always easy to let go, but as parents, sometimes our greatest act of love is trusting Allah more than we trust ourselves.
There’s so much more to this and I’ll be diving deeper inside my newest program, The Muslim Parent Companion.
It’s a year-long, intimate experience where a small group of moms raising kids from 0-12 will parent with me inshallah. If this sounds like what your heart needs in this season of life, join the list to access the exclusive VIP enrollment rate. This special rate won’t be offered anywhere else. Click here.
Modern parenting is filled with this underlying fear: If I mess this up, I might harm my child forever.
So we panic. We overanalyze. We obsess over books and podcasts and expert opinions, hoping we can prevent every possible wound.
But hyper-fixating on perfection leads to paralysis. It doesn’t make us better parents, it just makes us more afraid.
Research shows that overprotective parenting can actually reduce a child’s resilience, making it harder for them to cope with adversity. Kids need strength more than they need safety from every storm.
The truth is, you’re not in control of everything and you were never meant to be
As Muslim parents, we do the work but we trust the outcome to Allah.
Yes, we seek knowledge. Yes, we try our best. But we remember: “Allah is the Best of planners.”
You can’t out-parent Qadr.
And when you lean into that reality, parenting becomes less about pressure and more about inner peace.
In fact, studies show that spiritual trust and religious coping like reliance on Allah and making du‘ā are powerful in reducing stress and improving well-being for parents and children.
So what does matter in your parenting today?
Your values. Your beliefs. Your state of being.
If a parenting method doesn’t align with who you are or what you believe, it won’t stick. And even if it does, it might not feel good in your home and within you.
Your parenting choices should feel true to you, and it should not be followed because the next Guru said to do so.
Research even backs this up: parenting that reflects a person’s values and culture leads to better outcomes for children’s development and well-being.
So here’s what I want you to walk away with today:
You don’t need a longer list of to-dos.
You need a shorter list of what truly matters.
Anchor yourself in your values.
Regulate yourself before trying to “fix” your child or control your environment.
Trust that Allah will fill in the gaps your parenting can’t. This is where your superpower lies.
But how do we need to show up for that to happen? Check out my latest episode titled “Are you becoming a child worshipper?”
When you slow down, live your values, and trust in the One who gave you this child…
you’ll find that parenting isn’t as overwhelming as it seems.
What’s brewing in the Elite community?
1- After hearing your requests for years, I am finally putting together the ultimate parenting program for Muslims moms raising kids from 0-12. Join here.
2- Check out the new pop-up podcast. Click here to listen!
3- The Good Child Academy released two new holiday workshops this month (St. Patricks and Easter). Join the membership if you need more support in your child’s Islamic education at home from an interest-based perspective. Click here.
Until next time, Take care
Assalamu Alekum.